Folfoxman’s Thoughts

it’s when i die, i’ll die July 20, 2009

I never know what has ever brought my family to be in this turmoil. Why must you torture my family so much? they have tried so hard to follow ur ways, to walk your path, to forgive each other, yet you always allow satan to creep between them! Satan just you get out of our lives forever!

Lord the bible said that only your ways are higher, but Lord why do you always make my family suffer so much? Trials and tribulations, one after another. You know, we are all sick of it. Other families live such good lives, and they dun even trust in you, dun even believe you exist. Why do you let those who know and believe in you suffer? The ungodly seem to be more powerful, lead easier lives, lead happier lives that then godly. The unjust always gets the last laugh, and the just always gets their punishment.

WHy do you allow this to happen???? Christians.. hiaz. Am I the only one suffering from so much turmoil? YOu have made it so difficult for me. even to just chase that piece of paper which one who dun even believe in you can get so damn easily,while for me, always dependent on you, am still chasing it after 7 years??!!! WHY?? WHy dont you just tell me that i am not meant to be that phd  that i always wanted? WHy did you not tell me that i’m meant to be that hidden person always working  in the background, letting others outshine me always?

I’m so sick of it. So sick of my rotten life. the nightmares, the insecurities, the lack of passion, the will to live. Why do I feel this way? ”

i want my family to be living in comfort and happiness, to be successful with a stable job, a job which i like, one which allows me to mould others. And even that you had to take away from me. WHy LOrd??? Why? You gave me an environment which I have grown to dislike, students whom I have grown to dislike to teach and associate, a piece of paper which to me is no longer meaningful to achieve, parents who cannot live in peace.

why lord why?